As long as I have Jesus, I will always feel useful- even if I occasionally feel lonely.”
“Of course, God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I heartily affirm these precious, anchoring truths. But if I am honest, the things that God might use to bring about this promised good can sometimes frighten me. Would He give me another dark year to sanctify me? Part of my current situation felt frighteningly familiar. Could He take someone from me that l love fiercely? I had to admit I was deeply afraid of what he might allow.” – Keri Seavey – “When God’s Sovereignty Scares You”
My week has been ultimately turned upside down by the ever-present-yet-I-need-constant-reminder-of fact that God is God and I am not. The above Keri Seavey excerpt is a beautiful way to describe all that my heart is screaming. My last blog post focused on trust in The Lord, trust that He will provide, trust that He is good, trust that He loves me deeply as His very own. Delving into my struggle with lack of trust and unbelief, I came upon Keri’s blog post, “Has God Ever Scared You?”, which can be found here ( http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2013/11/26/has-god-ever-scared-you/). And my answer to the title question, is yes. Yes, I am battling with (the wrong kind) of fear of The Lord which stems from a lack of trust that The God of The Universe will provide for me. I know and fully believe that He works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), however, I am frozen with fear over the ways He may utilize to bring about the good He promises. This is where God is God and I am not comes into play. I honestly don’t know what I need, period. I do not know what is best for me, and I do not know how to provide for myself. I am positive you could put me in God’s ‘kitchen’ so-to-speak, surrounded by all the elements and ingredients that He uses to sustain me and I promise you I would still be unable to provide for myself. I am not the playmaker, I am not the chef. Much like in a regular kitchen, I could be fully stocked but not know how to mix and add ingredients to make something beautiful (or even edible really…). God is God. I am not.
He is sovereign.
You know what is so easy for me to forget amidst fearing His sovereignty? His suffering. Christ has been here. Christ has lived in this self-centered, idolatry-stricken world while being fully man, which He did willingly for you and for me. If that doesn’t speak volumes of His goodness and love, I don’t know much else that will! He came down and endured the worst of the worst. So while He is fully sovereign, He is also fully loving and convinces us of His deep love while practicing his sovereignty by sending His Son. His hands that hold the world and control all of eternity are the very same nail-pierced hands that made a way for us to enter into a relationship with The King of Righteousness. Keri Seavey says it best when she says, “Freshly seeing God- the suffering, sovereign One- allows me to be freed from fear and move into trust again.”
Over the last week I have felt nothing but loss, I’ve begged the question as to “why me?”, and now, I am standing in faith knowing full well that The Lord very well may use my biggest fears to bring me good and His glory, yet trusting that He loves me and upholds me with His strong, pierced-for-me hands.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”